Jokes about Nissan: 50+ jokes that only owners will understand

If you have ever driven Nissan, then you know for sure: these cars can not only drive, but also make you smile. From the legendary engine reliability (which is sometimes confused with eternity) before design Juke, capable of dividing humanity into two camps, the Japanese brand has enough reasons to become the hero of memes and jokes. In this article we have collected the best jokes about Nissan of all times and peoples: from the self-irony of owners to the professional humor of mechanics.

Why exactly Nissan? Yes, because this is one of the few brands that Each model has its own "trick" for jokes: Qashqai with its "lack of crossover", GT-R like the dream of a tuned teenager, Almera as a symbol of “the first car after driving school.” And there is also a place for technical humor - about CVT, about VQ35DE, about ever-flowing oil seals and how Patrol can survive the apocalypse, but not Russian gasoline.

Are you ready to laugh? Then buckle up - we're going on a journey through the world of jokes about Nissan, where even oil check could be a source of memes.

1. Jokes about Nissan Qashqai: an “under-crossover” with character

Qashqai - it's like Swiss knife of the automotive world: neither a sedan nor an SUV, but something in between. It is this “averageness” that has become the source of endless memes. The owners joke that the car is ideal for those who want 4WDbut is afraid of dirt, or for those who dream of X-Trail, but the budget only allows for “Qashqaichik”.

And also Qashqai — a champion in the number of versions: it would seem, how many new names can you come up with for the same car? Qashqai, Qashqai+2, Qashqai J10, J11... As a result, even the dealers themselves get confused about which model they are selling you. Here are some of the best jokes about this “universal pill”:

• 🚗 — Why Qashqai so popular in Russia? Because this is the only crossover that can drive off-road, through traffic jams, and during service every month.
• 💰 — Qashqai - this is when you want Land Cruiser, but you have a loan for 10 years.
• 🔧 — Mechanic: “Your Qashqai oil is leaking." Owner: “What’s strange here? It’s Japanese - it must remind us of itself in some way!”
• 🌍 — Qashqai — the only car that is considered a crossover in Europe, and a “sub-dodge” in Russia.

There is also a legend that if you put all generations side by side Qashqai, then you get an ideal ladder for washing windows on the second floor. Jokes aside, the car has truly become a cult car - despite all the jokes, people continue to buy it, and this is the best proof that humor and practicality can coexist.

2. Nissan Juke: a design that divides the world into pros and cons

If Qashqai - this is “average”, then Juke - this is automotive extremism. Its design is so polarizing that even the owner's family Juke they can arrange a vote: leave the car in the parking lot facing or back to the house in order to scare the neighbors less. The headlights are like a toad, the rear is like a hatchback that's eaten too much, and the overall look of a car that knows for sure that it's not like everyone else.

Designers Nissan They clearly decided: “Let’s make a car that people will either say ‘wow!’ or ‘what is this?!’.” And they succeeded. Here are a few jokes that this car gives rise to:

• 👀 — Juke it looks like it was drawn by a child who was told, “Draw the car of the future,” and he drew a car from his nightmares.
• 🚘 — If Juke park next to GT-R, then the first one will look like a concept car, and the second one will look like a regular car.
• 💡 — Why Juke those headlights? So that drivers of other cars think that an alien is looking at them.
• 🔄 — Juke - the only car that can be turned over and it will look just as strange.

But despite all this criticism, Juke adore. Especially in Europe, where he has become a real cult among young people. Perhaps because it is one of the few cars that doesn't let you get bored - neither externally nor in management. It is also ideal for those who want their car to be as unique as they are.

3. Nissan GT-R: a tuned teenager's dream and a mechanic's nightmare

Now let's move on to legend of the Japanese automobile industry — Nissan GT-R. This car became the hero not only of racing, but also of countless memes. On the one hand, this supercar for sedan money (well almost). On the other hand, there is a car that can turn its owner’s life into eternal repairs, tuning and searching for spare parts.

Jokes about GT-R are divided into two categories: about it incredible power and about him incredible appetite - both for gasoline and money for maintenance. Here are a few of the best:

• 💨 — GT-R - this is when you want to drive fast, but don’t want to pay for Porsche.
• 🔧 — Mechanic: “Your GT-R broke again." Owner: “But how does it drive when it’s not broken!”
• 💰 — Buy GT-R - it’s like marrying a beautiful woman who demands new bags every month. Only here the “bags” are turbines, bearings and firmware.
• 🏁 — GT-R on the highway it’s like a tiger in a cage: if you let go, it will tear everything apart, but first it will tear your wallet.

And there is also a legendary phrase: "GT-R - this is Skylinewho went to the gym too much." And this is the honest truth. The car was indeed born from a modest sedan, but thanks to the efforts of engineers Nissan has turned into a monster capable of giving odds to many European supercars. True, you have to pay for this - and not only with money, but also with nerves.

Model	Joke	Reality
GT-R R35	"A car that goes faster than its second-hand price drops"	Indeed, after 5 years of operation GT-R loses in price more than many competitors
GT-R R34	"A legend that can only be seen in Need for Speed or in the garage of an oligarch"	Prices for R34 over the past 10 years have grown 5-10 times
GT-R R32	"A car that people buy to say: 'I have Skyline'"	The most affordable version GT-R, but spare parts are still expensive

4. Nissan Almera: first car after driving school (and last before the loan)

If GT-R - this is a dream, then Almera - this is reality. That car that people learn to drive, that they buy “until I save up for something normal,” and that for some reason stays in the family for years. Almera - it’s like your first mobile phone: not the coolest, but your own.

Jokes about Almera usually boil down to two topics: its indestructibility (despite its simplicity) and its abilities makes its owner a jack of all trades - because it’s expensive to go to a service center, but fixing it yourself is more interesting. Here are some examples:

• 🚘 — Almera - this is when you want Teana, but you only have rights and dreams.
• 🔧 - B Almera there is nothing superfluous. Even comfort.
• 💨 — Almera with tuning it’s like putting a cap on your grandfather backwards.
• 🛠️ — If yours Almera It didn’t break down, which means you just don’t drive it much.

But despite all the jokes, Almera - this is ideal car for beginners. It forgives mistakes, it is easy to repair, and spare parts are not like GT-R. And yes, it really can travel 300 thousand kilometers if you don’t forget to change the oil. And also on Almera you can learn everything: from replacing spark plugs to painting the bumper after the first accident.

Why is Almera so popular in taxis?

Because this is one of the few cars that can withstand both Russian roads and Russian passengers.

5. Nissan Patrol: a tank for those for whom a tank is not enough

If Almera - this is a machine for the first steps, then Patrol — this is a car for those who have already understood everything. This SUV that is not afraid of anything - no off-road, no time, not even its own weight. Jokes about Patrol usually boil down to the fact that this is a car that can survive the apocalypse, but not the Russian traffic police.

Here are some of the best memes about this “Japanese tank”:

• 🏔️ — Patrol - this is when you want Land Cruiser, but you don’t want to be like everyone else.
• ⛽ — Fuel consumption Patrol It is measured not in liters per 100 km, but in barrels per week.
• 🚜 — Patrol can tow anything - except itself with an empty tank.
• 🌍 — If Patrol gets stuck, then this is no longer off-road, but a black hole.

And also Patrol is a machine that never breaks. It simply goes into “reduced comfort” mode. For example, when an air conditioner fails, the owner Patrol doesn’t go to the service center, but simply opens the window and says: “Well, now it’s like in a real jeep!”

⚠️ Attention: If you decide to buy Patrol, be prepared for your friends to start asking you to tow their cars. And not because your Patrol so strong, but because their machines are so weak.

6. Jokes about Nissan's CVT: "continuously variable flour" or engineering genius?

And finally, you can’t ignore the most discussed topic among owners Nissan — variator CVT. It's like love: either you adore him or you hate him. There is no third option. Jokes about CVT usually boil down to the fact that it is a box that either lasts forever or breaks at the most inopportune moment.

Here are some of the best CVT memes:

• 🔄 — CVT in Nissan — it’s like a bicycle without gears: at first it seems comfortable, but then you realize that you lack control.
• 💥 — If your Nissan with CVT suddenly went faster, don’t be happy - most likely this is the last trip of the box.
• 🛠️ — Mechanic: “Your oil is leaking from the variator.” Owner: “Should there be oil in there?”
• 🚗 — Nissan with CVT - it’s like a long-distance relationship: at first everything is fine, and then problems with transmission begin.

But despite all the jokes, CVT has its advantages too. For example, he very smooth (if it works), and you can save on gasoline with it. The main thing is to remember to change the oil and not try to tow Almera trailer with Patrol.

7. Memes and jokes about Nissan: a selection from social networks

Social networks are a storehouse of humor about Nissan. There you can find memes for every taste: from self-irony of owners to professional trolling between fans of different brands. Here are some examples:

• 📸 — Meme with photo Juke and the signature: “When the designer Nissan I drank too much before work."
• 💬 — Dialogue in the comments: “Which is better: Qashqai or Duster?" - “Which is better: food or water?”
• 🎮 — Screenshot from the game with GT-R and the caption: “The only place where I can afford it.”
• 🚗 — Photo Almera with a trailer and the text: “When you have your dream in tow.”

And on social networks you can often find jokes about how Nissan Copies designs from other brands. For example, what's new Ariya - this is Teslathat a child drew or something X-Trail - this is Qashqaiwho ate too much.

But the most popular topic for memes is reliability (or lack thereof) for some models. For example, what Nissan makes cars that either last forever or break down forever. In both cases, it becomes a reason for jokes.

FAQ: Answers to the most popular questions about jokes and Nissan

Why are there so many jokes about Nissan?

Because this is one of the few brands in which almost every model has its own “trick” for humor. For example, Qashqai — about the “under-crossover”, Juke — about design, GT-R — about speed and repairs, Almera - about the first car. Besides, Nissan - a mass brand, and where there is mass, there are memes.

Which Nissan model is most often the butt of jokes?

Rating leaders - Qashqai (for versatility), Juke (for design), GT-R (for character) and Almera (for simplicity). But other models are not far behind: Patrol they joke about being indestructible, X-Trail — about family trips, and Note - about efficiency.

Any jokes about electric Nissans?

Of course! For example, about Leaf They joke that this is a car for those who want to drive environmentally, but forget to charge the battery. Or what Leaf - this is Almera, which stopped eating gasoline, but started eating electricity. And about Ariya they say it's Tesla, but with Japanese punctuality (that is, without autopilot).

Is it possible to offend a Nissan owner with a joke about his car?

It all depends on the owner! Most jokes are about Nissan friendly and based on real features of the cars. But if you tell the owner GT-Rthat his car is “too expensive to maintain,” or the owner Jukethat his car is “ugly,” then you risk getting a long monologue about the advantages of your model. Better joke about what unites all owners Nissan - for example, about constantly leaking oil seals or how CVT "can surprice".

Where can you find new Nissan jokes?

The best sources are groups on social networks (for example, "Nissan Club" on VKontakte or Facebook), forums (for example, drive2.ru), and meme pages like "Car Humor". It’s also worth following the brand’s news: every new concept or restyling becomes a reason for fresh jokes. For example, when Nissan introduced a new Z, the Internet was immediately filled with memes about how the car looks like a mix 370Z And GT-R.